Celebrities smell

Alright, people. Can we all agree that this is getting out of hand?

It all started this morning while I was watching Mariah Carey's new music video "Oh, Santa" (side note: it's catchy, but it ain't no "All I Want for Christmas"). I was momentarily confused as the video started with a faux-retro announcer-type extolling Ms. Carey's newest fragrance "Lollipop Bling".

Hold the friggin' phone there.

Lollipop Bling? Lollipop Bling? LOLLIPOP BLING?! Really?! Is that the name of her new fragrance? I'm just slightly surprised because last I checked, Mariah Carey was a FORTY YEAR OLD WOMAN, not, you know... nine years old.
ELIZABETH ARDEN FRAGRANCEI'm all for one being young at heart, but this Lollipop Bling advertisement looks like it was designed by Lisa Frank circa 1990. Is this perfume being marketed toward children? Or just women who love suckers and diamonds?

Then I started thinking about celebrity fragrances, in general. Lollipop Bling is definitely a contender for most absurd name, but let's not forget Jessica Simpson's "Fancy Nights":Jessica-Simpson-Fancy-Nights-e1280585633600I have never, in my adult life, used the adjective "fancy" without a heavy dose of sarcasm and/ or irony. And what is with this ad? This does not look like a "fancy night" in so much as it looks like Ms. Simpson is vying to be an extra in The Vampire Diaries.

Speaking of crazy looking ads, did you see Christina Aguilera's ad for her perfume "Inspire"? No? Well, get a gander at this: inspireIt is clear that the inspiration Ms. Aguilera gets for her perfume is from Glinda, the Good Witch. I'm sure it must arrive via pink bubble. Now I'm inspired to watch The Wizard of Oz. Or to sing some songs from Wicked. One of those.

And have you ever noticed how perfume ads often show a grown woman swinging?
swingDoes smelling good= field trip to the playground? And here's a question for Kim Kardashian: How in the heck can a perfume be described as "voluptuous?" How does voluptuous smell? I guess for $50 I could find out...

Last but by no means least, is Paris Hilton. She, oddly enough, is one of the perfume industry's most prolific celebrity scent endorsers. She has TEN fragrances out (second only to J.Lo and Celine Dion who each have 14), but in my opinion she reigns supreme in the ridiculous ad department:


For Fairy Dust she no doubt saw the new Tinkerbell movie. For Siren she saw "The Little Mermaid", and for Can Can she saw "Moulin Rouge". I really, really want her to watch "Apollo 13" and dress like an astronaut for her next perfume. Someone call her publicist or Tweet her and MAKE THAT HAPPEN, okay?

Anyway, you can see a Wikipedia list of celebrity fragrances here, but I urge you, my fellow females, let's put an end to this absurdity! Let's bring back the days of wearing Love's Baby Soft or Clinique Happy or something that, you know, doesn't need an absurd celebrity advertisement and endorsement to move units. Except "With Love by Hilary Duff". Leave her alone. It's awesome.